Elisaveta Loves Boobs
by BellaSWilson
Summary: Elisaveta owns a manga store and one day, Katushya comes in, asking for directions. This pairing is by request and if you can offer me any help, I would love it.
1. Chapter 1

Now, don't get me wrong. I like men. A lot. Even in a sexual way. Just... only with other men. That's why Roderich and I got married in the first place. He wanted a cover and I wanted entertainment. Not that he knew that until we broke up. He found one of my hidden cameras, and then some of my videos. You wouldn't believe how angry he was. But at least I got to keep the majority of them.

So, I do like men, but only when there is more than one and they are all over each other. Women, however... I can't imagine actually being with a man to be honest. I like boobs. Really big boobs.

So you can imagine my delight when a very large-chested woman wandered into my manga store one day, looking very lost. I looked up when I heard the little bell on the door? It was usually pretty slow this time of day, so any customers automatically received my full attention.

She had short, blond hair and she was pale. Very pale. Several centimetres taller than myself. Her eyes were lavender and screwed up with worry. She was biting one lip nervously. I won't deny that I _looked _(gaped) at her chest for a couple of moments, but I recovered.

I cleared my throat. "Can I help you, miss?"

She stared at me as if she had not noticed until then that I was even there. "Yes... can you give me directions? I am lost."

Was that a Slavic accent? "Okay," I smiled brightly. "Where do you need to go?"

"56th and Lennox."

"Oh, I know where that is!" I beamed. "Got a hot date?" I joked.

She blushed and waved her hands in front of her. "No, no, no! I'm just meeting my brother!"

I quirked an eyebrow. "So you're single?" She blushed even more and looked away. Damn. Why did I say that? "Um... I was just kidding," I said awkwardly. "Anyway... directions..." I finished stupidly. She nodded, still pink in the face. My mind was free of everything except embarrassment. "Euh... where did you want to go again?"

She gave me a quizzical look. "56th and Lennox?"

"Oh, right!" I said, blushing. "So you walk out this door and go left for two blocks, then you turn left onto Rockway." I stopped. "You getting this?" She nodded. "Okay, you turn on your next right and that will bring you right to 56th and Lennox."

"Thank you," she replied quietly. She gave a tiny bow and turned to leave. She took a step. **Boing!**

"What was that?" I said loudly, startled by the unexpected noise.

She turned back to me. **Boing! **"What was what?" she asked innocently.

I blinked. "...Was that you?"

She tilted her head cutely to one side. "What do you mean?"

"Walk over here," I told her.

Looking confused, she stepped forward. **Boing! Boing! Boing! **It was her boobs. Her **boobs**. That's how big they were! "Woah," I said dumbly.

She looked utterly perplexed. "Woah what?"

"Your boobs!" I cried, not thinking. "They make noise!"

She blushed once more and covered her chest. "I have to go. My brother is waiting for me."

"Um...right. Sorry. Have a nice day!" I smiled weakly.

She said nothing and hurried out the door, the bell ringing and her chest bouncing as she walked. I. Am. So. Awkward.

Sorry for not being on in forever. I didn't have internet access as I was out of the country (and a computer) for the summer. By the time I got back, I didn't know what to write.


	2. Chapter 2

"Katushya!" Natalia stood somewhat menacingly over her older sister.

"Yes?" She replied, unfazed by her sister's behaviour.

"I need you to do something for me."

"What? Why not one of Ivan's friends?"

Natalia reddened slightly and looked away. "I don't really trust them to do this," she muttered, a sour look on her face.

Only a little suspicious, Katushya stood up from the sofa. "What is it?"

Natalia looked up. "I'm spending the day with Bella. And I need you to pick up some manga for me."

Katushya smiled. "Ooh I can do that. Which manga?"

Natalia looked relieved. "Here," she dug in one pocket. "I have the address of the store and the list." She held out a small slip of paper covered in scratchy, messy handwriting.

Katushya grinned. "Will do!" she saluted, her chest bouncing a bit as she did so.

"Thanks," Natalia muttered, slouching from the room.

Her sister smiled after her. _Let's see, where is this place? _She examined the paper, trying to decipher her little sister's scrawl. _Huh. This address sounds familiar…_ Shrugging, the blonde pulled on her coat and headed out.

_It's so cold today! _Katushya blew on her hands as she walked, trying not to freeze. She could see her breath as she opened her car door.

"Gilbert, get out!" cried an exasperated Elisaveta.

"Oh, Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie," tutted the albino. "When was the last time I listened to something you told me to do? You should know better by now." He grinned.

Elisaveta glared at her friend. "You're going to drive my customers away." Gilbert just laughed. "Why don't you ever just-"

"Ahem…"

"Huh?" The brunette turned toward the door, where an embarrassed and cold and _adorable_-looking Katushya stood awkwardly, suddenly realising why the address sounded so familiar before… "Sorry, can I-"

"Can I help you?" Gilbert interrupted, grinning madly at the helpless woman.

"Um, I need these manga," she replied, holding out the now-crumpled paper. Her purple eyes darted to the livid Elisaveta, who appeared to be trying to burn a hole into her friend's head.

Gilbert, fully aware of the brunette's anger, read the paper over quickly. He cracked another smile. "Into yaoi, are we? Don't worry, she is too," he said, jabbing a thumb in Elisaveta's direction.

Katushya just stared at him. "What?"

The brunette's anger quickly dissipated. "…You don't know what yaoi is?" Katushya shook her head. "What about yuri?" She shook her head again. "Well I'll be damned. Let me see that list," Elisaveta said, unceremoniously pulling the paper out of Gilbert's hand. She read it over. There were at least ten yaois and yuris in the list. _What?_

"Euh… I'm picking them up for my sister," the blonde said nervously, seeing the look on Elisaveta's face.

"Ohhh," replied the other two in unison

"Why? What are they?" asked Katushya, perplexed.

"Um, I'm not actually sure you want to know," Elisaveta blushed.

"No, Lizzie! You should tell her!" beamed Gilbert.

"Well… I don't know…" Elisaveta fidgeted.

Katushya was quite curious now. "Please tell me!"

"Yuri is lesbians and yaoi is gay guys!" blurted Gilbert triumphantly. "I prefer hentai, myself," he said, leaning close to the blonde and waggling his eyebrows.

"What's that?" Katushya asked, clueless.

Gilbert blanched at this. _Shouldn't it be obvious?_ "Uh… straight… I guess is the right word for it."

"Oh," Katushya mumbled, looking away from the man.

"Anyway!" cried Elisaveta brightly. "I'll just help you find these! _Dammit, Gilbert, you scared her. _"Come on… euh…"

"Katushya."

"Katushya! Let's see…" Katushya's chest bounced a little as she followed the brunette, who was darting around, finding a dozen manga as she went. "Okay, here we go!" Elisaveta said, smiling proudly. "Was there anything else you wanted?" _Please say yuri. Please say yuri._

"No, I think I'm all right. Thank you," replied Katushya.

_Damn. _"Gilbert, could you please ring up Katushya? Since you work here?" Elisaveta asked sweetly. He stuck out his tongue childishly and led the woman to the register. Elisaveta sniggered when he stared blankly at the buttons. "Trouble, Gil?" she cooed.

"No! I'm awesome!" he cried defensively.

"Sorry about him," she said apologetically to Katushya. "He's new."

"Shut up Lizzie."

"It's fine," Katushya replied, not wanting to offend.

"Oh, hey," Elisaveta said, suddenly noticing the other woman's accent again. "Where are you from, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Ah, I'm from Ukraine!" Katushya responded proudly.

"Aha! I knew I detected a Slavic accent!" gushed Elisaveta. "Is it nice there?"

"Oh, it's beautiful! And so peaceful!"

"You're lucky. I can hardly even remember Hungary."

"I've been to Hungary!"

"I'm done!" Gilbert declared victoriously.

"Oh, uh, thank you," Katushya said politely. "Anyway, I have to go now." She turned to Gilbert, who was pouting a little. "It was nice meeting you."

"You too," he replied, perking up again. "Mind if I give you my number?"

"Uh! No thank you!" Katushya answered, surprised by his forwardness. With that, she grabbed her bag of manga and hurried out into the cold, her chest bouncing loudly.

The door closed. "That was her, wasn't it?" Gilbert said, turning to Elisaveta. "The one you told me about with the huge rack?"

"No need to put it so bluntly," the woman replied, a little irritated.

"Well, I know something you don't know! ~" he sang.

"What?" She looked at him suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Ah- ah-ah!" he wagged a finger. "Only if you let me stay!"

Elisaveta sighed. "Okay, fine, you can stay. Now what is it?"

Gilbert leaned in confidentially. "That girl is a lesbian."

"What? How do you know?"

"Oh, a little birdie told me," he said nonchalantly.

_Huh. So she actually _is_ a lesbian. How interesting._

"And guess what else?"

"What?"

"I happen to already know her brother, and his number."

"Are you serious!"

"You want it?"

"Of course!"

"You gotta say it first." He grinned.

Elisaveta sighed. "Fine. You're awesome."

I'm so so sorry for not posting yesterday! I completely forgot! Thanks to LeoCookie for your awesome ideas!


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